Comfort

I knew a relationship with you wasn't going to be easy, while I did know this and was aware. I wasn't aware of the fact of how hard it was going to be. Entering a relationship with someone who's ex is literally psycho is hard enough, but adding a baby on top if it is enough to make anyone run away, but I didn't. Because to me, that didn't make a difference. She didn't make a difference, the baby didn't make a difference. All that mattered was you and I, it was us. That's all I ever want it to be. And while that is all I want, I also want your love, support, and kindness. I understand I'm annoying and hard to deal with, but I told you about that from the beginning and you opened your arms and welcomed me in with a smiling face. I fell for you, your eyes, lips, smile, everything. I fell for the way you made my knees shake and heart race, the way you make a smile on my face never go away.

What I didn't fall for was fear, i didn't fall for you because I wanted to be scared. Scared of what I said, what I did. I didn't want to be scared of you, yet I was. I didn't want you to be angry at me, but you were, often. I tried to reach out, I really did. Each time I did so, you pulled away, and pushed me away, leaving me in the corner with tears running down my face.

So that night, I'm sure you can imagine my fear. The night you we're angry because I needed to go to the doctor, you were being selfish and hurtful. I told you I was sorry over and over again, yet you didn't listen. All you wanted were your own selfish desires, yet I was cowered over in pain, physically and emotionally. Tears stained your shirt I was wearing. I was scared. You never replied to me, immediately rejecting my phone call. All I wanted to do was hear your voice, yet you couldn't even grace me that.

I just wanted comfort.